loss for words

In the midst of tragedy,
He is strong. He is sure.
He is life. He endures.
He is good, always true.
He is light breaking through.

He is more than enough.
He is here. He is love.
He is hope. He is grace.
He's all I have.  He's everything.

Afraid

This is going to sound silly and it isn't gonna make sense.
Today I made a paper chain for my remaining days in India.  I realized that I can't live in a fantasy world of staying here forever (despite how much I would love to).  I have a plane ticket home.  So I made this paper chain and it's hanging on my wall.  Sub-50.
I have to remind myself every single day that I actually live in India.  I have to walk down the street and  literally, verbally tell myself that I'm living here.  I no longer feel like a Badeshi (foreigner).  I know where things are, how the metro system works, I know enough language to get around and know what I'm talking about,  I've know what street food I can eat and not get sick.  It feels like home.  I have relationships with so many people.  People I don't even know by name.  The guards outside the complex that smile every morning, the 10 year old boys who work on motorbikes next door,  the slum kids that I love so much.  I love all these people and I see the face of God through them.  I feel like I'm about to be ripped away from everything I love.  I feel as though I've just started here.

That being said, of course there are things I miss about home (to reassure my grandmother reading this), I've just forgotten what they are.

All that to say, I'm afraid to go home.  I'm afraid to have a kitchen that's bigger than two houses in the slum,  I'm afraid to have my own bathroom let alone a toilet, I'm afraid to go into a grocery store and see aisle after aisle of food, I'm afraid to go to Target and be surrounded with millions of dollars worth of stuff.  I'm afraid of so many things.  I'm afraid of the emotions that will come with all those experiences.  I'm afraid of forgetting all that has been changed in me.  I'm afraid of never seeing people that I love again.  I'm afraid of all the privilege that will once again be lavished so greatly upon me and that I will once again become complacent.

My only goal is to show true Love to every person that I encounter here in my time left and to continue that when I return "home".  Whether that's making eye contact with someone, acknowledging someone's existence and humanity, rubbing a street baby's back, washing the dishes for my roommates, talking to the groups of boys begging on the street and reassuring them that they are worthy of a conversation and so much more.  The desire of my heart is to help the "unworthy" and those "without a voice" to feel worthy and to be heard.  It's not that they don't have a voice, it's that we're all just to busy talking to hear their whispers that have been silenced for so long.

"We are the flesh and blood of Jesus alive in the world.  His hands, feet, ears." Shane Claiborne 

First of many quotes from the book that is revolutionizing my faith

"Charity wins awards and applause, but joining the poor gets you killed.  People are crucified for living out a love that disrupts social order, that calls forth a new world.  People are not crucified for helping poor people.  People are crucified for joining them." - Shane Claiborne "The Irresistible Revolution"

Craft: Holy Book Cover

Supplies needed:

• Book that cover is being made for
• thread
• needle
• measuring tape
• scissors
• fabric of choice

1. Lay your book in the middle of your piece of fabric and measure the width...

as well as the height.  

The book I used measured 12 inches x 7.5 while open.  You want to make sure that when you close the book there is still enough fabric.  I added 5 inches to the left and right side and 2 centimeters above and below the book.

Fold up 2 centimeters on the bottom and 

begin stitching across the length.  I prefer to start by inserting the needle on the top so that the end will be on the inside which will eventually be folded over.

Once you stitch across the bottom, do the same along the top.  I used a combination of both of the above stitches.

Then, fold the fabric over 2.5 inches and sew a flap on the top and the bottom.  Do this to both sides.  Then fold the flap over again and sew back and forth over the flap a few times to ensure it is sewn tightly.

\

It should look like this ^

Then you have a flap like this one! And you can insert your book :)

Finished product:

This project was experimental and I kinda just learned as I went.  It worked well for me and I am very happy with the cover :) Hope it works well for you tooooo!

Justice: Here and at Home

Psalm 5:4-6
     For You are not a God who takes pleasure in wickedness,
     Nor shall evil dwell with You.
     The boastful shall not stand in Your sight;
     You hate all workers of iniquity.
     You shall destroy those who speak falsehood;
     The Lord abhors the bloodthirsty and deceitful man.

Five months ago, a friend of mine was murdered.  Five months later, there were finally 5 associated people arrested.  My heart breaks for his little brother and his parents, but finally closure can begin.  Remembering that God is faithful and that he is a God of restoration.

February Photo Update

Taken: A Call to Action

My heart has been heavy the past two days.  I’ve been wanting to post something.  I’ve been wanting to let people know what’s been weighing so heavily on my heart, but I didn’t know how.  Here is my feeble attempt that I’m certain will pale in comparison to the utter fear instilled in my heart.

For those of you who don’t know, I’ve been teaching, investing, and most importantly loving in a slum for the past month and a half.  Out of 100 kids I know most of them by name and have become an "auntie" to them.  My heart is so full of love for them.  I absolutely adore every single second that I spend with them.  Whether it's teaching them nursery rhymes, their times tables, simple English phrases, or running through the slum with them hanging off of every single appendage and laughing the entire way.  I love everything that comes with loving them.  I love the dirt, I love the greasy hair, I love wiping the stuffy noses on my dupatta, the bright eyes, the heart-warming smiles. their little arms wrapped tight around my legs; I love every aspect. 

And that's why the news that I told on Tuesday totally shook me to my core.

In the slum that I love, children have been taken.

Yes, taken.

Three precious babies under the age of six. 

Taken from their homes.

Taken from their families.

Taken from their familiarity.

Taken from their childhood.

Taken from their innocence.

Taken.

Sold.

Trafficked.

When deciding what to write about this horrific incident, I was hesitant.  My room mate was hesitant too.  We questioned why.  Why are we so hesitant to share what has happened?  This is the daily, harsh reality of tens of thousands of women in the city I currently call home.  Every night over 10,000 women are trafficked. In ONE area.  That fact absolutely is incomprehensible to me.  And to think that the precious babies are now locked into that lifestyle sickens me to my bones.  Whether it's sex-trafficking, or bonded labor, or condemned to a life of begging- my heart is broken. The family that I have come to love here.  I knew the reality of it all, but not to young ones that I love, from the slum that has my heart and the faces that warm my heart every time I am in there presence.  This reality I subconsciously push aside is now personal.

In America what would happen if three children were taken.  Stop and think.  Here, the police do not care. At all.  These people are from a slum, so they do not matter.  Evil reigns here in the hearts of so many due to caste, greed, differing religion... Sometimes, evil just seems to know no bounds especially for those who have no voice. But there is a cure.

"For sin will have no dominion over you...[you] are under grace. (Romans 6:14)" Grace is more.  Love is more.  The Lord is a lord of faithfulness.  His grace is sufficient for me and His power is made perfect in weakness.  The world is weak; the world is sinful.  I'm a desperate to see His faithfulness.  To see the Light that casts our all darkness.  To see the Love that conquers the hearts of stone.  

My heart cries out for all the lost and missing.  He is active.  He is just.  He is in control.  He works all things together for good.  He is faithful in all circumstances.

Psalm 77:

"I cry aloud to God,
    aloud to God, and he will hear me.
² In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord;
    in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying;
    my soul refuses to be comforted.
³ When I remember God, I moan;
    when I meditate, my spirit faints. Selah

⁴ You hold my eyelids open;
    I am so troubled that I cannot speak.
⁵ I consider the days of old,
    the years long ago.
⁶ I said, “Let me remember my song in the night;
    let me meditate in my heart.”
    Then my spirit made a diligent search:
⁷ “Will the Lord spurn forever,
    and never again be favorable?
⁸ Has his steadfast love forever ceased?
    Are his promises at an end for all time?
⁹ Has God forgotten to be gracious?
    Has he in anger shut up his compassion?” Selah

¹⁰ Then I said, “I will appeal to this,
    to the years of the right hand of the Most High.”

¹¹ I will remember the deeds of the Lord;
    yes, I will remember your wonders of old.
¹² I will ponder all your work,
    and meditate on your mighty deeds.
¹³ Your way, O God, is holy.
    What god is great like our God?
¹⁴ You are the God who works wonders;
    you have made known your might among the peoples.
¹⁵ You with your arm redeemed your people,
    the children of Jacob and Joseph.