It's crazy how far 365 days can bring a person. 365 days ago, I walked down an aisle with a suitcase and a backpack. I turned my back to everything I knew and stepped out on a limb. A crazy, long, lonely limb that lead me across the world. Literally.
Knowing what I know now and being where I've been, it's hard to believe that it's only been a year since I embarked on my gap year. A year since I left the boy I liked, my sisters, parents, comfort, and any plans that I thought I had for my life. The journey has been long, winding, and challenging, but the most rewarding journey I could have imagined. God's provision was woven very evidently through every step, and He planned every moment better than I ever could have planned even if I had years to prepare.
As I reflect back on my time in India, I have somewhat of a hard time remembering. Life became so normal there and sometimes the whole experience just seems like a dream because of how radically different life is here in America. I look at pictures of my sweet little babus (babies) and I almost feel like the whole thing is part of a picture book and that I'm not actually the sweaty girl with 20 kids hanging all over her, laughing and smiling. Sometimes I feel like I've looked at the pictures so longingly so many times since returning that I've become somewhat numb to the fact that that girl was me. That girl, literally covered in crazy children, rolling on the ground of the school house, laughing endlessly with my precious students, wiping snotty noses and holding dirty hands, that girl was me. That girl WAS ME. I try to remember what it's like to sit Indian style on the floor and have my kids sitting on every inch of me. I try to remember what it's like to be ridiculously sweaty at 130 degrees in an oven of a school house and not even complain at all because I'm in a place that I love with people that I love so much, but more importantly, that God loves so much (okay maybe complained a little, but I mean comeeee on. 130 degrees.) I try to remember being the minority. To the stares. To the bartering. To the absolute filth. And it's hard to remember.
What I do remember is the love.
I remember absolutely falling head over heels in love with every student, with every woman in TOL, with every face I saw. I remember the feeling in my heart when I saw my babus for the first time, and the complete devastation I felt when I had to say goodbye. I remember the burden I felt and still feel for all of them. My heart is so full of love for every single one of them and it is so hard to be away. Being away from what a person loves has got to be one of the greatest tests of faith. I took this whole excursions to prove to myself that I could handle life overseas, as well as, serve and love. I begged God to start a fire in my heart for these people maybe not knowing fully what that would entitle. He definitely answered and the fire did not go away when I came back to America.
When people hear about my year they often reply with sometime like, "Wow, that's so brave of you," or "Wow, you have so much courage." Honestly, getting on a plane and traveling half way around the world was one of the easiest things I've ever done. I only remember one moment where I was about to leave the U.S. from JFK Airport and I was on the phone with my friend Ariel and I was just kind of like, " Well, guess there's no turning back now." Coming to college, on the other hand, may be one of the hardest tasks God has ever places in my hands.
When I was in my senior year of high school, I could not have been more ready to go to college. Upon actually leaving for college, my heart was breaking for India. I had taken off a whole year and done within that year what I want to do for my whole life. I felt like I was taking steps backwards and getting thrown back into a routine of "school I didn't need" to do what I want to do. I know, I know, this thought process is totally flawed and completely selfish. I'm incredibly blessed to be able to attend college in America and be able to have all the incredible benefits that most of us have as Americans. A college degree will allow me to help more people more effectively in the long run. I have to tell that to myself every day when I wake up, every time I have an 8 am Chem exam, every time I find myself not necessarily wanting to be at college. Because in the end it's not about me and what I want. At all. It's about God and His timing and His plans, for they are so much greater than my own.
A picture that was shown to me when I first considered going to India
A picture I took in the same place as the one above.
The countdown on my phone
Christmas in India
Start of a school day
