but first an overview
Well here I am in India. Someone pinch me. I constantly have to remind myself that I'm really actually here. I'll stand outside on our rooftop and just gaze out over the other rooftops and at the people on the dirt streets below buying vegetables or just sitting as they often do, taking in all the honking, chatter, puja music, palm trees, dilapidated buildings, narrow alleyways, children with ratty clothes, bright smiles, and warm hearts and I just let it sink in that I'm actually here. Right where God wants me. Right where He has placed me. I've never felt so complete.
My time here on this trip is going by so quickly and I'm going to leave my heart here when I leave. That I know for certain. When I head back, I'm going to miss my new home ever so much and all the incredible friends and ties I've made in these few, short 51 days. I will actually miss my greasy hair, wearing the same pair of jeans every day, the ever-present layer of dirt, the limited space. As I think and consider, even now as I write, my heart aches at the thought of leaving. I have 113 days left. 113 days into 2013 that I will be here still. That I will still be in my beloved yellow house. That I will still be surrounded completely by utter filth. That I will still walk down the streets and hear shouts of "hello, hi hello hi!!" That I will see my sweet, precious neighbor children that live below me everyday and give them their good morning and good night hugs as I smother them with tickles and cheek kisses. 113 days to catch glimpses of them over the terrace as they're in their flat below and blow them kisses and waves, their toothless, juvenile smiles warming the deepest cockles of my heart. 113 days left to hug, shake hands with, blow kisses to, and love on all the street children and amuse them with my feeble and broken Bengali. 113 days left to cook from scratch multiples times a day with one burner and no counter space. 113 days to love on the Bengali people. Only a few days in the grander perspective, but so much time to make a change. So much time to take it all in. So much time to fall even more deeply in love with a place that I will soon have to leave.
So how did I get here. One year ago where was I- oh how things can change in one year. Cliche, but there are truths to all cliches. A year ago I was completely self-absorbed, self-worshiping, self-focused, consumed with what could make me successful in school and all other aspects. Just human nature right? Wrong. How can we say we are merely humans when we have sometime greater in us. When we have God in our hearts, we are no longer merely human. We have the greatest force in the universe inside of us. If that doesn't shake you us a bit, I don't know what does. Heck, the force that CREATED the universe is inside of me. I can do ALL things through HIM who gives me strength. (Luke 1:37) He has brought me half a world away to India to make me completely others focused. Don't get me wrong, I did consider others feelings and thoughts and opinions, but not before my own. Now it's Jesus, others, THEN Taylor. I never thought I would actually be here right now. God is entirely gracious. I am eternally grateful for the opportunity to be here. I took a lot of trust, self-denial, saving, praying, hoping and changing, but I'm in the most wonderful place on Earth. I love India. I'm in love with India. I whole-heartedly feel that God has me in India for the long run, eventually. Even as I'm sitting here typing away I'm listening, through the open door, to the sweet children in the street below. So innocent, so precious, so loved by their Creator.
A year ago I was submitting the last of my college apps and hoping that I would be at my dream school. How wrong I was- it makes me laugh! There is no place on Earth that I would rather be than sitting on my cot, in my little bright yellow house, in a rural city (sounds contradictory, but trust me) of 1,000,000 people in West Bengal, in eastern India. LIKE I'M ACTUALLY IN INDIA. Sounds silly, but I'm constantly having to remind myself!! Anyways, point being that with God, you can go anywhere. He will change hearts, break down walls, and make ways where there seems to be no way. That's one huge thing I've learned while I've been here. He will make a way where there seems to be no way, if you trust FULLY in Him. Just surrender and enjoy the adventure of finding yourself through loosing yourself in Him. It is the greatest adventure you could ever enjoy, trust me of that.
So for this next year that I've been blessed with the opportunity to enjoy, I've never felt closer to God and it's not because my geographical location or because I've realized economically how blessed I am, but because I've pursued God and trusted Him more than ever before. Sure it'd be beneficial to commit to working out every day or reading 30 books in a year (hopefully will do both, :)) but the greatest desire of my heart for this upcoming year is to grow closer and more intimate with God tenfold. To completely surrender. To help others know the One that gave His all for them. Focus fully on Him and then others. To love because He first loved. To let go of anger and bitterness that hold my heart captive. To do things that only strengthen my relationship with Him. To do whatever it takes it obey Him, know Him more, and make Him known, more. To commit to not having any bad days because I don't deserve to have a bad day. Because of Jesus's sacrifice, every day is a good day. To be a servant.
To spend these few 113 days wisely, and to enjoy the seasons that life brings, whether here or there, and to face them joyfully with Him by my side.
